The Self-Esteem Issues

It seems like no matter what I do I’m never happy with myself no matter what.

*Why am I not as pretty and appealing as the other girls?

*Why am I too thin?

*Why don’t I have big breasts and butt?

*Why can’t I look like that?

*Why can’t I speak as good as them?

*Why am I not good enough?

And the list goes on…

These are constant things that go through my head. It seems that I have massive self esteem issues that I can’t surmount no matter how hard I try. It seems that my own worst enemy is myself and I’m in an incessant battle with myself and I’m just fighting to lose. I don’t think I’m ever gonna be truly happy with myself.  Some people tell me I’m pretty and I think they’re lying. I’ve been hurt and now I’m scared to fall again. I always find myself faking a smile and it fools everyone around me. I pull it off like I’m carefree and effervescent but I’m not. I sit up all night thinking of the things I can’t have. I want to change everything about myself.

I really don’t wanna live this way. But I just can’t be contented with who I am, and the more I try to change, the more I lose who I really am.  I find myself becoming everything I can’t stand which makes me hate myself even more.